Thursday, June 14, 2007

What a pleasant week I’ve had!!!

During the last week I’ve been screamed at, insulted, reported and stoned. And I don’t mean stoned as in illegal substances either.

The screaming happened as I was taking a fare to South Kensington from St Johns Wood. She’d only given me the area and not the street name so as I approached her turning (Thurloe Street) I was unaware I had to take the left and drove straight past it. The scream of “left, left, left!!!!” could have curdled milk and poisoned you to death at the same time as it was both screechingly loud and venomous at the same time. I’m sorry but I only have one word for women like that: SLAGS. On the phone all the way, not paying attention, expecting you to be mind readers and then talking to you like shit. I should put a sign up saying something like “If you’re a slag then fuck off!!”

As you may be able to guess I’m feeling pretty belligerent at the moment, probably not the best time to do this post but what the hell.

The insults were thrown at me as I stopped for an American guy who could barely stand up on the corner of Kings Road and Limerston Street last night. I should’ve done what the three other cabs before me did and just drive past him but I always feel like I can handle most situations. So he gets in and slumps in the back seat.

Me: Where to mate?
Him: f^$@&^$$(incoherent babble)
Me: What?
Him: (Starting to close his eyes) c@&*p^%$”$£$ (more incoherent babble)
Me: I need an address (loudly)
Him: Dunno
Me: I can’t take you without an address.
Him: Drive (indicating forward)
Me: No I need an address otherwise you’ll have to get out.
Him: Fughhh Offf!!

I jumped straight out of the cab and ran round to the nearside, yanked open the door and told him “I’ll give you fuck off you cunt, out!!!!!” He starts eyeing me up to see if he fancies his chances then starts telling me to fuck off again. There was a restaurant full of diners eating al fresco right by where I stopped and they were all enjoying the show. I knew they’d all be witnesses should matters take a turn for the worst so I made sure I just kept control. “get out of the taxi now!!” “Fuck off” he responds. Nothing for it but the old make out you’re calling the cops routine. I get back into the cab and make like I’m dialing and then fake a whole conversation with the emergency services controller making sure he could hear me describing him as a “little bald fat yank wanker”. (No offence to any decent Americans out there but when you lose it things just come out the way they do). That did the trick and he started getting out of the cab. As he got out I said “why don’t you stick around and then you can tell the cops to fuck of as well” He hurled a final few insults at me and walked off towards Sloane Square. Some people.

The “reporting” if you could call it that was a few days ago. I started work around 8pm and made my way to the Paddington Taxi Rank. There were no cabs on it and there was a little kid around 10 years old on a bike weaving uncertainly on the empty road. I gave him a wide berth and waited at the lights. Next thing he pulls up alongside my open window and says that I nearly ran him over. He was just trying it on as I was nowhere near him. I told him to get lost and that he was trespassing on station property. He proceeded to write my number plate down on a scap of paper and declare that he was going to report me. 10 years old and he’s already behaving like a twat. This country is in deep shit!!

And now to the stoning. Driving south along Grays Inn Road. A black kid with a hooded top is standing in the centre of the road. As I pass he throws a handful of stones at me. Luckily the four windows were down as it was hot but unluckily I caught one in the face. The kid runs off laughing while I pull over to check in the mirror. A lump is developing nicely and strangely I feel no pain, just a numbness spreading across my temple. Why he did that to me I have no idea. He probably did it for a dare or to look big in front of his mates but it won’t be long before he kills someone. I really despair of what is happening in this country.

I need a break and am planning a trip to Spain in September. I can’t wait.


John said...

I used to have a video in my old taxi.
A girl who was high on something told the carriage that I verbally abused her.
They in turn abused me over the phone.
Get in here you etc etc.
Talk to me, tell me what its all about.
You know very well etc.
OK I am going to do her for deformation of character, telling them about the tape etc.
Its ok they said she has withdrawn the alligation.
Well no she is on the police computer now as a liar and if she has a genuine complaint she will be stuck.

Stonedog said...

I agree with you LC, this country is going down the pan fast !!.

Anonymous said...

perhaps you should buy a lottery ticket! your luck can only get better

forman said...

this pleases me, for I can always say, it could be worse, and look here. well hopefully the luck will balance out for everyone next week.

Trouble Magnet said...

Hey Carlito "Look at Choo Man you got everyting,Dont ever change mate keep it real you always tell it as it is, thats what makes it enjoyable reading Keep up the good work

SkippyMom said...

I was happy for the new post, but so sorry you had such a rough week. That american jerk just makes me mad...he gives us a bad name in a foreign country. I apologize on his behalf, as we are not all like that...dumb,belligent and drunk...I swear...

sorry about the rock hit - I hope your face is better!

Happy Father's Day to you! A very special and great Dad!
p.s. how are the kids, anyway...we need an update ;D

Roy said...

That first paragraph is so typical, they get on the phone and as you approach the destination asked for they tell you you should have taken a previous exit as though you're an idiot, I tried to access my Psycic powers but to no avail!

ang said...

Hey bruv - if you need a few days rest before September look on easyjet, get yourself a good cheap flight and get over here for a few days. You have food, a bed and a taxi driver on call for you. Think about it you know you're welcome.
Luv little sis

Greg said...

To cheer you up..........

I don’t believe Scots are as tight as people say, but I did hear that when two taxis collided in Glasgow recently 48 people were injured.